Hours, days, weeks, months. And finally, years.

I can’t breathe when you’re brought up.

I’m suffocating.

Run thick in my blood.

I sit on my floor and play with my toys. My fragile, beautiful, vulnerable, toys.

Fumble through pictures, loose between my fingers.

warm summer skin, shoes off, summer feet. Freshly mowed grass, honeysuckle fill my face.

This is where I love you.

Today would be my first mother’s day.

But it’s not.

I wondered where I’d be today, but I think I’m fine.

I can’t wait to have a baby eventually, but for now….I’ll dream.

When you lose everything. Literally almost everything that is important to you, that you hold closest to you, you are CAPABLE of everything. I’ll sign my name to that quote for the rest of my life. 

I “favorite” things much more than I actually “re-post” things on here. But if you saw the things I “favorite”….

I’m a disgusting, sexual, human being. 

I’m strange. 

coreyrader:

For that woman out there. You know who YOU are. Trying to keep a straight face typing that. 

I figured it out <3

with Corey Rader. So that he’ll finally love me. And not just for my cleanly shaved vagina, or my long legs. 

Well…maybe a little. 

<3

Soundtrack. My ex boyfriend used to sing this to me. Ironically enough, his ex sang this to him, I bet she still does. I know when she does this, he thinks of me. She wrote him a letter including that song, he told me afterwards that “this is your song, when I play this in my car, I think of you.” This post isn’t about this though. 

This post is about the person I’m becoming, and why this song relates. All of this hard work I’m putting in, is for the person he was. For my grandpa, for ME, for my parents, for my future family. The person he was, the person my ex was to me—I’m going to find a new one of “him”. This work is for that person, whoever that may be, whoever you are. When I’m ready I’m going to be so good to you. 

The person he was would be so proud of me. I feel like escaping tonight. Leaving my phone at home, and driving for awhile. I need to clear my head and get away from this homework for awhile…that isn’t due until next week…after Spring Break. 

<3 

I want someone to kiss my legs in the morning, to bury his head in my hair because it reminds him of home. Someone who tries to make me laugh, and doesn’t care if I look messy. 

I want someone to love. Someone to take care of. Someone who knows in 50 years, he’s not going to look like he does today, that he won’t be as strong, or as handsome. He will be wrinkly, as will I. I need someone to see that. I will love you, I will love you for what counts.